Why Tell Stories? The Benefits of Parental Storytelling
A skeptic might ask, “I read to my kids. Why do I need to tell stories too?” Reading to your kids is vital, but there are related and distinct reasons to tell stories. In a nutshell, storytelling helps grown-ups:
Forge a Secret Bond: The best reason to tell your child a story is the delight it will bring them. Telling a story is like crafting a handmade valentine for your child out of words, associations and attention. Even if you falter in the middle, or forget the main character’s name, the focus you give your children as you respond to their faces intensifies your relationship. Together, you share an imaginary world. The story itself becomes a bond between parent and child.
Create a Ritual Space for Listening: Enrichment classes, video games, four hundred cable channels, parents working second jobs to make ends meet. . . .the forces pulling families away from conversation are overwhelming. Modern parents spend a good chunk of their time shuttling their kids to and from places, returning stuff to malls, filling out forms, and fielding texts and e-mails. No wonder parenting can feel overwhelming. A ritual of storytelling allows parents the space to slow down, cuddle up, and talk to their kids in a language children understand, the language of imagination.
Counteract Standardized Education: Creativity expert Sir Ken Robinson contends that the education system, “educates children out of their creative capacities” because it is set up to punish mistakes and reward one style of intelligence, and that ultimately thwarts innovation. Your child will take hundreds of standardized tests in his or her life, tests that allow one right answer. By telling your child stories, you are not only modeling creativity, you are sharing a reality in which heroes learn from mistakes; you are giving your child a license to take risks.
Foster Values: The child psychologist Bruno Bettelheim said that literature is the second most important source from which children learn their values; and parents are the first. As parents, do we want to outsource our children’s’ moral education to Disney, Nickelodeon, or another corporate entity? When you create a story for a child, you share a personalized vision of what is right and wrong; a vision of the world as the place you want it to be.
Build Emotional Intelligence & Cognitive Flexibility: When a story is told in conjunction with a child; when a parent asks a child questions about where the story should go; the story becomes a social laboratory. From the parent, the child learns about social consequences, and about confronting & solving social problems. Stories can increase your child’s social intelligence, not to mention the vocabulary building!
Be Intentional: As parents, we often react to our children’s behavior in the moment. Anger can guide our reactions, and then we feel remorse. We wish we had handled it better. We know they weren’t really getting the message and we were modeling behavior that was not ideal. What if, instead, we could step outside the emotion; draw on our creativity to make a moment teachable; and direct our children’s behavior in an intentional way. What if we could transform our frustration, anger, or disappointment into the positive experience of a story? Stories capture our children’s attention, and they resonate longer than harsh words.
